Proven Study: Sticking it to the Man Greatly Improves Mood!

If you have been rejected by job applications as many times as I have, I strongly encourage you to try this:

How to Stick it to the Man

Step 1: Find a post for a job opening that you clearly have no interest in getting,

i.e. one that severely underpays and takes advantage of the abundance of desperate job-seekers.

Step 2: Apply to said job opening.

Step 3: Wait for a call from shady job representative, who will ask to set up an interview.

Step 4: Attend said interview and wait for more representatives to talk about how awesome and in-demand their shady company that no one has ever heard of is.

Step 5: Nod your head and smile.

Step 6: Wait for another call during which an employee claims that out of dozens of interviewees, you’ve been selected for a second interview (they say this to every interviewee).

Step 7: When they ask you what day works to set up a second interview, respond with insult of choice.

Here are a few examples:

1. “When pigs fly”        2. “Last week” (followed by hang up)        3. “Stop calling me!”        4. “I don’t do interviews”        5. “Any day between ‘you’ and ‘smell bad’ works for me”        6. “My parole officer doesn’t let me go on second interviews”

I went with option 6! Can you think of any better ones?

Is it just me, or do bosses and birthdays NOT mix well…

This is what happened to me:

 

My Boss: “Happy birth-day to you, happy birthday to you, happy BIRTH-DAY, you’re fired, happy birth-day to you!”

 

Actually it was more like this:

 

My Boss: “You’ve been doing a great job! I’m gonna fire you now.”

Me: “But it’s my birthday.”

My Boss: “Omgz happy birthday! You’re still fired.”

 

The Boss With No Brain

I worked for a boss who started a printing business.
He had a wildly outdated printer with limited capabilities. I suggested replacing the printer (he didn’t)
The printer constantly jammed. I suggested replacing the printer (he didn’t)
He lost a lot of money constantly paying a fraud repairman to fix it. I suggested replacing the repairman (he didn’t)
He moved the business to a location with minimal exposure. I suggested promoting the business (he didn’t)
The business was not producing any profit. He suggested firing me (he did)

 

–anonymous

I got job-blocked by Pops!

Turns out I found out why I got rejected by two of the three companies I applied for. They told me they called one of my references and they got such a bad review, they didn’t want to take a chance on me. Turns out that reference was my dad.

Funny how I sent my resumes on February and they didn’t call them until after we ended up fighting over why I felt my college life was worthless and other issues about my past (some say abusive) childhood in late march…

–anonymous

Thanks, dad!

We Like You, But We’re Hiring My Husband’s Cousin’s Daughter’s Friend’s Brother Instead!

Years ago I worked as an on-call production assistant and subbed in when the full-time PA wanted to party on the holidays. Eventually she left and i got an email from my supervisor one Friday evening offering the lucrative (fancy word for shitty) full-time position to me!

I immediately responded with a yes, and called back first thing Monday to reiterate my acceptance, to which she apologetically replied that there was confusion at the office regarding choosing someone to hire, and that while she thought she had the green light to hire me, the studio executive (fancy word for dickhead) decided to hire her daughter’s boyfriend (who had no experience or knowledge about the studio) instead!

This Is What’s Wrong With The Job World

I just spent the last 3 months applying to 100+ jobs for the opportunity to work for increasingly horrible companies under neanderthals with less skills than me, less experience than me, and less respect than me.  The closest I’ve gotten to landing a job was receiving a highly underpaying offer from a man who spent most of his time interviewing me staring at my breasts.  The saddest part is I almost took that job.  Here’s to self-deprecation!

–Anonymous

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